Maryland Family Photography // An Ode to the Bribe

The other day, I sat down with my Mom for a cup of tea and she asked me how I was doing. I said “I’m good. Just tired.” Then I made fun of myself a bit. I laughed at my answer because it’s just me and my husband right now. No kids, no pets...well except for Shane the goldfish. I predicted that in a few years, I’ll look back at 29 year-old, childless me and laugh bitterly at my “tired”.

Sometimes I can’t imagine how tired I will be once kiddos come along. I have plenty of friends who have had kids and I know their life is always on the go and lacking in sleep. That made me think...how did my mom do it?

So I asked her.

She told me it was hard. Raising kids is hard. But it’s a different kind of hard these days. She said things may seem easier, but they are also more complicated. We may have things like Keurigs for baby formula and diaper genies, but we also have...the internet.

The internet is a beautiful place where you can find a list of 60 ten-minute meals and several expert opinions on how to ease your baby’s colic and a GIF that perfectly encapsulates how you can love and hate your child at the same time. It is also the source of Pinterest parties, news stories about child abductions, and, of course, mommy guilt. The sancti-mommies are out there just waiting for you to make a wrong move so they can remind you how superior they are. It makes you doubt your every move, even when it isn’t being posted online for scrutiny. ​

I see this guilt written all over the faces of my clients during our family sessions. I hear it in the apologies that are issued every few minutes. And something parents seem to feel extremely guilty over is bribery. Sometimes, a three year old doesn’t feel like smiling for every single photo. Sometimes (a lot of times) a big brother would rather be playing with that cool stick he found than hold hands with his baby sister. Sometimes, treats get kids to stop acting like...well...kids, and cooperate. And parents feel like they have to apologize for this!

Let’s start with this: It is true that bribery does not have seem to have a long-term positive impact on child behavior. But we’re not talking about a long term thing here! We’re talking about a photoshoot! I have yet to meet a client that books a weekly session with me. (Any takers??) The things we do at our shoots are not being repeated on a regular basis. We just need an hour, sometimes less, of good behavior to get the photos we want. If a special treat is going to get those results, then we will take advantage!

In addition to that logic, there is also the fact that most people aren’t actually bribing their kids. When you offer your kid a donut for good photoshoot behavior or an M&M if they smile one more time and then you give it to them after they do it, you aren’t actually bribing them! That is technically called reinforcement, and that does have a positive impact on behavior! Take it from someone with two degrees in education. :)

I know the guilt is real. I know the internet makes you feel like a bad parent on a regular basis. So let me take this one off your shoulders. If you give your kid candy on a Saturday afternoon so that you can get that one shot you’ll frame and put over your fireplace, it is OK! I promise. Your kid is not going to grow up to be a bully just because he had an extra pack of fruit snacks. She is not going to suddenly stop sharing with her best friend at school because you reminded her of the hot chocolate that was waiting after a chilly morning shoot.

Your kids love you and they will love these photos just as much as you one day. You are a good dad. You are a good mom. You are doing an incredible job and your kids are going to grow up to be incredible people. Go you! And go bribery!