Natalie Claire | June 12, 2018

Natalie was born on June 12, 2018 at 12:09 am. ​​

​I spent June 11th laboring, and she came just a little after the stroke of midnight on the 12th. One year ago today, I was in a hospital bed, surrounded by loved ones, working hard to bring my first baby into this world. It was surreal. It still is surreal.

I never blogged her birth story. It’s partially because I was so tired. It’s partially because I just wanted to spend my time at home with her in other ways. It’s mostly because it’s difficult to describe what it’s like becoming a parent, and anything I say here has been written a million times before. ​​

​​It’s life changing. It’s exciting. It’s terrifying. I love her so much and I can’t imagine life without her. (But really, I can’t.)

​​So here is my perspective of Natalie’s arrival, complete with all of my jumbled, first time mom emotions.

​​When I first heard that Natalie’s due date was June 12th, I wanted her to be one of the 5% that comes when predicted. 6.12.18 is a pretty cool birthday (she will have her multiples of 6 down pat!) but also June 12th is her great grandfather’s birthday. My dad’s father was born on June 12th, 1929. He is exactly the same age Anne Frank would be if she had survived.  He is also struggling with late stage dementia, and it warmed my heart to think we might have a renewed reason to celebrate and remember him on that day.

The doctors didn’t want me going past 40 weeks, so when we got the call that our induction was scheduled for June 13th, I couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed. I knew I could go into labor any day, but there had been absolutely zero signs this girl wanted to make her exit any time soon. Almost no discomfort, no dilation, not even a single Braxton Hicks contraction. I felt like eviction was going to be the only option and I was bummed. My sister rose to the challenge and inundated me with tons of fun facts about the numbers 13 and 14 as I grappled with the hormone driven despair over a silly date on the calendar.

I should note here that throughout pregnancy I had terrible anxiety about NOT KNOWING I was in labor. Try asking a mom what labor contractions feel like and you’ll get the most general, unhelpful answers. ​​

“It’s like really bad cramping.” ​​

“You’ll just feel….off.” ​​

​​“Oh don’t worry, you’ll know.”

​​THANKS.

​​And yet, on June 10th, I woke up and felt...off. I had some really bad cramping and I just knew labor was starting. Just like all those mamas said. I tried not to get my hopes up. Pre-labor can last for days. But here we were, just TWO days away from that due date. Could we be so lucky?

The short answer is, yes. We were that lucky! Only just. If that’s sufficient for you, congrats! You can be done reading now. Feel free to scroll down for some pics. If you just love birth stories and can’t wait to know more, keep reading! Us mamas just LOVE telling a birth story.

After a full day of contractions, I sensed that the baby wasn’t moving as much as before. I did some intense googling, and decided to make a call to the doctor. They told me it was probably OK, but to come in for a nonstress test, just in case. All signs indicated that the baby was fine, but she was a little less active than usual. Since I was just about 40 weeks and was going to be induced in a few days anyway, they decided to admit me. ​​

​Even though labor had clearly started, they recommended I be induced, to help move things along. Let’s just say this was extremely successful. The contractions started hitting hard and fast. I’ve since been told that being induced in this way can cause a more painful labor as your body doesn’t have time to slowly build. Sounds right to me!

​I was all about getting an epidural and by early evening, I knew it was getting to be time for it. I wasn’t getting a break between the contractions and I was starting to cry which made it hard to breathe. By the time all was said and done, it was 8:00 before it was ordered, and by then things were pretty intense. It was riiiight around this time that I was told Alex would not be allowed in the room with me when I received the epidural and I lost it. I started hyperventilating and sobbing (and apologizing for hyperventilating and sobbing). I just couldn’t calm myself down, and in case you didn’t know this, you aren’t allowed to move while you’re getting an epidural, so this wasn’t going to work.

​In an act of desperation, Alex leaned in close and said to me, “As soon as this is over, I will go get you a GIANT blue Slurpee.”

​I smiled! I laughed a little! The crying cycle was broken.

​The nurse stopped prepping me for a moment and said, “You know, a Slurpee is technically a clear liquid so...she could have one right now.”

​​My mom and sister were halfway to 7-11 before she finished her sentence.

Everything went smoothly with the epidural and by 10:30, I had a slurpee in my hand and was feeling a million times better. My sister and Mom got one for the nurse too! It was well-deserved. ​​

​The doctors and nurses warned us that the epidural could slow down labor, so they darkened the room and gave us about an hour to grab some sleep. I wasn’t feeling any pain, but I was feeling intense pressure. Every 5-10 minutes, it would wake me up. I’d shift a bit, close my eyes, and drift back off.

​You can imagine our surprise when, around 11:30, the nurse came back to check on me and declared the baby was crowning! Alex got on the phone with everyone, told them to turn around and come back. I asked if we could wait until midnight.

​That’s right.

​Crazy lady over here wanted that June 12th date so badly, I was prepared to labor an additional 30 minutes.

​The nurse said yes. Alex looked at me like the crazy lady I was. I labored, without pushing, for 30 more minutes. I can’t imagine this would have been possible without an epidural. (Or the extra Slurpee for the nurse!)

​Just before midnight, the room filled with people. As I pushed, her heart rate dropped, so they called in the NICU team. It felt like the room was bursting. I could not tell you who was where or what they were doing.

​And then suddenly, she was here. At 12:09am, Natalie Claire made her appearance and made me a mom.

​​I still have trouble looking at my active one year old daughter and connecting her to the tiny human they placed on my chest. I know her so much better now! She is a real human with thoughts and feelings! And I know that it only gets better. Those thoughts and feelings become words and sentences and expressions. Every year I have with her, I’ll get to know her even better than the last.

But tonight, I’m going to look back through these photos and remember her when she was just a squirmy little thing. I’m going to remember what it was like to hold her for the first time. I’m going to remember what it felt like to become a mom. ​​

I’m going to smile. I’m going to cry. ​​

​And I’m going to get myself a GIANT blue Slurpee.

Major shoutout to my sister, Carrie, for picking up my camera and shooting these. Getting pictures could not have been farther from my mind in this moment but I am beyond grateful to have them now.